Passive restraint

Want to make your writing more interesting, and draw your readers into the action? Avoid the passive voice, at least most of the time. Use the active voice instead.

Which sentence would you rather read?

Passive voice: A long pass was launched toward the end zone by quarterback Tom Brady.

Active voice: Quarterback Tom Brady launched a long pass toward the end zone.

I chose the football example deliberately. Sportswriters almost never use the passive voice, which usually makes for pretty dull prose. No sportswriter can afford to be dull. Publisher, author and editor Nick Lyons would sometimes tell me jokingly: “The passive voice is liked by this author a lot.” If I was editing the book in question, he would invariably instruct me to extirpate the passive voice almost everywhere it reared its ugly head.

Is the passive voice always bad? No. If the subject is more important than the action, or if the performer of the action is unstated, the passive voice is fine—especially in a brief sentence:

The treasure ship was discovered in 1985.

But if you’re going to specify who discovered the ship, or include other details, it’s better to use the active voice:

Salvage diver Mel Fisher discovered the treasure ship off Key West in 1985.

Strictly speaking, the passive voice isn’t exactly wrong, but it’s not very interesting, either. In a long sentence, the passive voice can sound ridiculously dull and convoluted. The longer and more detailed the sentence, the worse it gets:

An enthusiastic group of NRA leaders in Phoenix was spoken before by personal development expert Marsha Petrie Sue.

Naturally, a good editor (or better yet, a conscious writer) will choose to go active:

Personal development expert Marsha Petrie Sue spoke before an enthusiastic group of NRA leaders in Phoenix.

Keep your writing as active as your lifestyle. Use passive restraint. When the passive voice is used too much by this writer, his readers get put to sleep by him.

Here are this week’s editorial funnies to test yourself. See how many errors you can spot. Each example contains at least one.

5. After we had conquered the mountain, we got off the horses and lead them down a steep tallow slope.

4. She was a gorgeous, elegant lady and reminded him of a movie star, like Marilyn Monrow swan eye in a platinum mink stole.

3. Every week, the Spotlight shits on a different member and highlights their professional accompaniments.

2. Navigating the river and knowing which stretches the fish prefer along with knowledge of subtle nuisances in drift and presentation really make a guide on the Cumberland one of the best investments you can ever make.

1. During the First World War, troops from the Royal Norfolk Regiment were fighting the Turks in Dardanelles, France, when witnesses reported seeing several strange clouds hovering above the battlefield, unaffected by the day’s strong winds.

Here are the answers to last week’s editing follies:

5. The sun began its slow but steady ascent into the cloudless, azure blue sky.

Redundant; azure means sky blue, so one of these adjectives should be deleted. I’d remove blue.

4. It is the slight of hand that the left does with rediculous name reversals (like “family planning”) that implies something that in fact does just not happen.

Wrong word; slight is an adjective meaning minor. This should be sleight (from the same word root as sly), meaning crafty deception. Misspelling; should be ridiculous. Transposed words; should be: . . . just does not happen.

3. The last undimmed major steelhead river in California, the Smith and its tributaries, the Middle and South Forks, offer 300 river miles officially designated Wild and Scenic.

Wrong word; should be undammed.

2. This doesn’t have to be about a hero who actually saved people’s lives, like that boy in Holland who stuck his finger in the dyke–it could be just ordinary people and there day-to-day heroism.

Wrong word; dyke is an unflattering slang term for a lesbian, especially one considered to have a masculine appearance. Should be dike, synonymous with dam. Wrong word; should be their.

1. Even when hatched from the incubator, Gordon said that out of a hundred eggs he would be lucky to get one bird that passed his inspection.

(Yikes! Sounds like something from a Star Trek movie.) Dangling modifier; this says that Gordon was hatched from the incubator. Rewritten thus: Gordon said that, even with roosters hatched from the incubator, out of a hundred eggs he would be lucky to get one bird that passed his inspection.

I hate my job . . . but hate you more

People stay in jobs they hate because of the unstable employment environment.

If you make this decision, it’s important to have tools at hand that will help with internal (your own thinking) and external (the jerks at work) conflict resolution. Poor employee relationships do not increase workplace productivity or help team conflict resolution. So what can be done when the goofball in the next cubicle is driving you nuts?

1. How can employees deal with a coworker who is a slacker and doesn’t pull their weight at work?

If it affects their work outcome or output, they should approach their supervisor, manager or director. This is the type of conversation they should have. “I need your help and need some clarification. Is this a good time for you?” If it is not a good time, schedule a time when it is. If it is a good time, continue by saying, “I understand that my job responsibilities are _____________. Is that correct? Great. Here’s where I need your help. Do you want to review the responsibilities with (name of the slacker) or is there someone else you want to do this?” You are now putting the ball back in the leader’s court. This may have to be done several times because the leader may be in denial and not hear the message the first or second time.

How does the employee response change if the supervisor is a slacker? Same approach, except you substitute, “With whom on the leadership team do you want me to verify responsibilities?”

2. What should employees do when a coworker (or supervisor) yells at them?

Calmly say, “You may be right.  Help me understand where you’re coming from.” Dig deeper, and don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about the work!

3. How can employees handle unwanted flirting or sexual advances?

Again, calmly approach, saying, “I need to discuss a sensitive issue with you. Is this a good time? Okay, good. I’m not comfortable with some of the comments you’ve made to me and consider it inappropriate for the business environment. I would appreciate conversation to be kept to work topics, and for the personal references (or whatever) to stop. Is that something that we can agree on as two professionals (colleagues, business partners or whatever)?”

This information is actually from a conversation I had during a media interview for The Reactor Factor: How to Handle Difficult Work Situations Without Going Nuclear. Would love to hear your comments and suggestions!

—Marsha

Sherry Kerr – Member of The WOMA

Sherry G. Kerr is the owner and president of Outdoor Media Resources, a public relations / marketing communications firm working exclusively in the outdoors and shooting sports. She has hunted big and small game all over North America.

Sherry entered the hunting and outdoors industry more than 26 years ago as the marketing manager for a hunting operation, where, among other things, she hosted hunting, shooting and outdoor survival clinics for women who were new to these activities. With a background in English and journalism, she also began working as a writer and editor for numerous outdoor magazines and books. She founded Outdoor Media Resources in 1998.

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The Skype’s the limit

I grip the side of my kitchen counter as my daughter totes her laptop from living room to hallway to bathroom to show me her latest lip color. You read that right: I am watching her on my laptop computer screen, which is set up where I make my afternoon coffee, and she is giving me a live virtual tour of her dash to the cosmetic drawer. She lives in Scottsdale, Arizona, and I live in Huson, near Missoula, Montana, and we are in the same room. The sky’s the limit; we’re “Skyping.”

I think I must be the last person on Google earth to have experienced this cybermiracle, and as a result I can’t stop talking about it. Nothing like a recent convert to spread the good news everyone else has already heard.

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Shooting from a different angle

I am blessed.  Truly blessed.  I have a wonderful family, a lovely home, a great job and dear friends. I am relatively healthy (although my husband might question the mental part of that statement at times), my parents are still living and married (to each other!) and I live in a country that affords me the freedom to worship my God and to own firearms.

It wasn’t until I began my association with Babes with Bullets^TM (BwB) that I began to find out just how special we are as women when we take the time to bring others “under our wing,” so to speak.  I attended two BwB camps and grew as a shooter and as a person. That growth was the catalyst for my desire to start Magnolia Defense Enterprises.  It sparked in me the passion to help women in my area to become better acquainted with their firearms.

Recently, I had a chance to be a part of something even more amazing — I was afforded the opportunity to get behind the camera and film a BwB camp for Deb Ferns and Kay Miculek.  Hands down, I will say that I got more from camp behind the camera than I could have gotten attending as a third-timer.

Camera in hand and ear buds in place, I walked from one shooting bay to the next getting close-ups of one-on-one instruction … the campers’ looks of intense hunger for knowledge overcame anything that resembled fear as the instructors patiently, kindly and expertly gave tutorials.  I watched friendships blossom and women look out for each other in sweltering heat that reached well over 95 degrees.

As the thank-yous begin to pour in, I wonder if anyone realizes that I should be thanking them. Coming together for knowledge is a thing of beauty.

Marti Davis and Nancy Jo Adams featured in podcast

Tune in to hear a podcast at Up North Journal and listen to The WOMA members, aka Team Artemis, Nancy Jo Adams and Marti Davis talk about their recent week-long experience of hunting in Illinois together for the Campbell Outdoor Challenge. The women talk about seeing an albino doe and about how they placed in the overall competition. See http://www.upnorthjournal.com/

How to register for media pass at SHOT

From Bill Brassard, NSSF …

Media registration for the 2010 SHOT Show should not be a problem for members of the Women’s Outdoor Media Association. Please have your members check the Media Registration section of www.shotshow.org, although those who have attended SHOT Show at least once in the last three years will receive an e-mail with a link to take advantage of advance registration. Those not eligible for this can register online at the Web site and must provide “proof of eligibility,” which can be a WOMA membership card or a bylined story in print or on the Web site. This requirement is to help NSSF ensure that it admits only working journalists who cover hunting, shooting and the outdoors to SHOT.

Contact: Bill Brassard, NSSF,  203-426-1320.

Not too late to register for BPS Media Day at the Range

A reminder from Cathy Williams, CMG Marketing and Events …

Dear Industry Writers, Editors and Publishers:

With the support of Bass Pro Shops, the 5th annual Media Day at the Range will be held on Monday, January 18, 2010. The event will be held at the Boulder City Pistol & Rifle Range, Boulder City, Nevada from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm. This event will give you the opportunity to handle and shoot new products being introduced at SHOT Show from many of the industry’s leading manufacturers.

We are expecting more than 60 manufacturers to register for Media Day and since we will continue to take reservations until December 1st the list will continue to grow. Many new exhibitors to Media Day have already registered! What better way to get a jump on next year’s new product line-up all in one place.

The day will consist of visiting with a wide range of manufacturers both from the shooting and non-shooting community and you will also have an opportunity to interview company representatives about their new product line-up. The day will include refreshments and lunch. Transportation will be provided to and from the range as well as from several of the other shooting events taking place that day.

You may register at by visiting www.media-day.com. Click on the Writer Registration tab which will direct you to a short form to complete. Please be sure you pass this information on to all individuals from your publication or broadcast property who may want to attend, we don’t want anyone to miss this event.

On behalf of all the attending manufacturers we look forward to seeing you at the range and please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Best regards,

Cathy Williams

CMG Marketing & Events, LLC

47 Sunlet Bend

Kiawah Island, SC 29455

703-587-7142 (office & cell)

703-852-4361 (eFax)

Visit our website – www.cmgmarketingandevents.com

Stabilizing an unstable work environment

Real world: Unemployment is 10.2%. With so many people looking for employment, you must ensure that your talents stand out. Whether you’ve been laid off, are unsure of your future with your current position or are looking for a promotion, here are seven secrets that will help you be the star.

1. Communication development: No matter what happens, you have polished communication skills and are ready to respond assertively in any circumstance.

2. Conflict resolution skills: People are angry and unsettled. When tempers flare, you can resolve disagreements and reach amicable solutions.

3. Decision making skills: You are not mired in “analysis paralysis” and can gather information to make a decision that brings needed results to the situation.

4. Effective presentation skills: Your platform skills are polished, and on a moment’s notice—without anxiety or fear—you can address any group concisely.

5. Employee retention strategies: Whether a leader or not, you understand the importance of self-leadership and support key people to stick it out, even in difficult times.

6. Personal development expertise: You understand the importance of lifelong learning and continue to polish your skills.

7. Workplace team building: Whether the team leader or not, you help every project move forward in a positive, efficient manner.

It’s your turn to choose what you can improve and polish. These are skills and habits, and you can change them if you want!

Would love to hear your comments about this post.

Marsha

PS: Please click here to download the eBook The CEO of YOU: leading yourself to success—my treat! A huge thank-you for all of you who have purchased my latest release . . . and it is now on the Bookscan Bestseller List!

Also, please check www.ReactorFactorBook.com, where you can download the worksheets from The Reactor Factor: How to Handle Difficult work Situations without Going Nuclear.

Stacy Jennings – Member of The WOMA

Brad Pitt is her bitch.

Sorry, dear readers, but I couldn’t resist a story lead like that one! Nor can I take credit for it, however. Sitting down to write about Montana fly-fishing guide Stacy Jennings, racking my brain for a slightly edgy hook, I realized that the editor of the Missoula Independent had already written it for me, in giving Stacy the paper’s 2007 award for Best Fishing Guide:

“If you’re an insecure male (who needs a fishing guide) don’t call Stacy Jennings. She’s better than you. She’s better than most people. Jennings is a fly-fishing machine. Brad Pitt is her bitch. Leave your copy of A River Runs Through It at home and maybe she’ll show you how it’s done.”

Pitt portrayed the enthusiastic—and skillful—Montana fly fisherman Paul Maclean in Robert Redford’s iconic 1992 film, a fly-fishing-themed family drama set in western Montana in the early 20th century and based on Norman Maclean’s (Paul’s older brother) acclaimed, semi-autobiographical 1976 novella.

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